Set me Free

Self-imposed Lockdown

Last week, I got an email from my aunt with some cute little Christian cartoons attached. And I was just going along, enjoying the sweet little reminders, when I came across this one....

... And BAM!
It was just like a sucker punch to the gut. I just thought, "You know... this is me." Self-imposed 'lock-up'... or perhaps rather 'lockdown'?

Let's see...'lockdown' is defined as: a state of containment or a restriction of progression. Yeah, that sounds about right. That is exactly where I'm at right now. And for some reason, insist on staying?!? Chained up tight by my fear and anxiety. Restricted by my doubts and discouragement. Ugh.

All the while, He's telling me "Child, I came... I died... for YOU... to be FREE..."

I know, Father. But, I can't seem to find my way out?

~

Last night, I sat down and watched 'M*A*S*H', for the first time in a while. And again, there was a theme of bondage and freedom.

In this particular episode, Hawkeye Pierce gets word of a fellow Army man purchasing a young Korean woman to be his bondservant. Seeing the value of this young lady, he is appalled by the very thought of this and very shrewdly, yet nobly 'buys' the girl back her freedom in a game of poker. He tries to explain to her that she is now free, but now she just willingly thinks she is to work for Hawkeye. He finally insists she goes back home to her family and puts her on a bus back there. Next thing he knows, she's back in the "Swamp" eagerly serving them and doing what needs to be done there. It seems she just doesn't grasp the concept of true freedom.

Or does she?

At first, I likened this story to that of the cartoon. And to that of my own life. And it was then that I found a very distinct difference.

The prisoners in the cartoon insist on staying 'locked up' in the prison yard. I insist on remaining held captive by all my fears and concerns. The sweet Korean girl... well, she's much wiser. She insists on turning all her focus and energy on the one who purchased her freedom. And gladly honors and serves him with a joyful and willing heart. She doesn't go back to her captor, nor does she go back home to simply wait to be 'sold out' to another. She embraces the one who paid for her ransom and surrenders her life completely to him. And because this is her choice, she finds purpose, meaning and contentment.

Father, help me to be this wise.

Twists and Turns and lots of Dead-ends...

Having been raised in Illinois, you would think that I would have had my share of corn mazes. However, I don't remember ever having heard of it before I got to go through a sweet one just up the road from here several years back with a friend of mine and her son. I guess it's become more of a phenomenon in recent years. And with all the GPS technology out there now, they really are quite impressive - cutting out elaborate images of all kinds, only seen and appreciated from above.

And as I was trying to determine how I feel right now in my life, my mind went to these corn mazes.

It's as though I set out on a journey, full of excitement and anticipation. Intrigued by all that surrounded me, I marveled at the intricate plan that it must have taken to develop such a journey as this. The sun shone down on me and I found my steps quick and light, eager to see what twists and turns this journey would take me through. All the while, anxious to discover what had awaited me at the end of this incredible adventure.


But, that was before.

Before the dark began to set in. The sun started to fade, I began to feel chilled and those very surroundings that had once beckoned me started closing in all around me.

And now, the twists and turns that once held such wonder and intrigue seem to almost taunt and discourage me.

Lost. Alone. Discouraged. Cold. Confused. Weary. And afraid.

Tired of dead-ends. Broken in spirit. Without direction and without much faith.


And it's now that I must remind myself that there is One Who has intricately mapped this journey laid out before me. One Who sees the bigger picture and yet knows each twist and turn along the way.

And even though it may feel like He's just left me and that He's just waiting patiently, to receive me at the end - and has left me blindly navigating through this maze all on my own... I do believe that He is here with me, quietly guiding me and softly encouraging me to hold on to my faith and to hold on to Him.

For the sun is sure to come back out and I believe one day, I'll be amazed at the final bigger picture of the journey we'd made it through together.

"Back to Reality"

This weekend, I was blessed beyond reason with an amazing opportunity to retreat with 10 of my Tuesday night bible study Sisters.

I knew at first mention of it, weeks ago, that it would be a great chance to just get away and maybe get to know some of the girls a little bit better. But, I had no idea. No idea of what God had planned for us. It was such an amazing time spent with such amazing women. A weekend that will not soon be forgotten.

Seeing as we all pledged that "what happens in Blairsville stays in Blairsville" :-) I won't get into any of the particulars, but I will just say that even my poor little wearied dried-up soul was deeply touched. God made it very evident that each of us was there for a reason. And there was just such an undeniable sweet spirit there with us all weekend... you just didn't want it to end.

Didn't want to come back to 'the real world', as it were.

But, I guess we can't stay on the mountaintop all the time. Because if nothing else, that's not where we are needed. Not where we belong (as ideal as it may seem).

~

~

In "Streams", we are reminded that "No one can stay on the mountaintop of favor forever, for there are responsibilities in the valley. Christ fulfilled His life's work not in the glory but in the valley, and it was there He was truly and completely the Messiah.

...Some Christians think they must always be on the mountaintop of extraordinary joy and revelation, but this is not God's way. Those high spiritual times and wonderful communication with the unseen world are not promised to us, but a daily life of communion with Him is. And it is enough for us, for He will give us those times of exceptional revelation if it is the right thing for us.

There were only three disciples allowed to see the Transfiguration, and the same three also experienced the darkness of Gethsemane.

...The value of the vision and the accompanying glory is its gift of equipping us for service and endurance."

Father, I thank You so much for these women; each one of them. They have each left a print on my heart that I pray won't be covered up anytime soon. And I thank You for showing up so clearly through them.

During a time where You feel so very distant from me and so silent, these women You have so tenderly placed in my life have reminded me just how close and involved You really are and have been able to speak volumes to me through their love for You and their humility and kindness toward others.

Thank You for the blessing of their friendship and thank You for showing up in such a way that none of us could ever deny You, even if we were to try.

May we each continue to embrace this experience and be able to reach back into the recesses of our minds and hearts, as time goes on, and be able to use it for our service and endurance back here in the valley of daily life.

~Amen.

He gives and takes away...

~

As many of you know by now (and are probably sick of hearing about), on August 1st, I was selected as MercyMe's first ever, blogger of the month. And, as many of you know by now (and are probably sick of hearing about), I was THRILLED! I never win anything!! (That's what everyone says, I know, but in this case... it's true...) : ) But, I was just so tickled and honored by that. And was just beside myself that they would send me an autographed c.d. as a way of thanking me for sending so many folks to their blog.

~

And I have anxiously awaited it every day since then.

~

Then, finally I get a call this morning. Evidently, the mailer containing my treasured c.d. got stuck in someone else's mailbox, in an entirely different neighborhood... and whoever checked this other mailbox discovered my mailer, addressed to me - empty.

~

I just thought: "Alright, God... You testing me?"

I was SO crushed! I mean, here's the sweetest gesture from some of my favorite bloggers AND singers and I was robbed of it.

~

...for the most part...

~

But, then, there was an overwhelming thought that kept interfering with my selfish, carnal thinking...

~

"Just wait a minute. What if this could be used in some way to honor God?" (well, actually, it was probably more like: "What if this could be used in some way to honor ME?" - coming from God - 'cause I mean, let's be honest... I was just thinking: "I hope this guy goes down! I hope he gets a flat tire in his get-away car or something!")

~

But, the thought of the possibility of goodness coming from it kept pushing those thoughts aside. And, you know, before long, I could feel myself almost getting excited about the many possibilities.

~

I mean, certainly, he/she could've just ended up pitching it in the trash. Or selling it and getting some money for it. Who knows.

~

But, what if... God used it to speak to someone. Either the person who heisted it or the one whose hands it ends up in?

~

What if... their lives are changed by the very words of those wonderful songs? Songs like "I Know" ~ speaking into their hearts:

~

I know, I know that God is able I know,

I know that He still reigns I know,

I know that love has found a way.

No matter what it is you're going through

Even if you think you're far beyond where hope can see

I know there is a hand that's reaching out for you

Because He did the same for me

It wasn't that long ago when my own world fell apart,

It fell apart and everything here inside of me said to let go,

You must let go

I found myself crying out to the One who knows my heart,

He knows your heart and holding tight to the few things that I know

~

I mean... Imagine! If God could speak those words into the heart of someone who needed them today! WOW! And, I know He can!

~

I just feel like He wants to use this in some way. In which case, I am even more honored and excited to have been selected by Him.

~

I feel as though He had His hand in this. And He wanted me to know that. For one thing, what are the chances that whoever took it would take it out of the envelope and not just take the whole package? And then, what are the odds that the person who found it would actually take the time to call?

~

Then, after just thinking, over and over: 'Well, He gives and takes away'... I walked into the shop this morning and the first song that came on the radio... "Blessed be Your Name"!

~

It was like He was right there saying: "I know. I know you were excited to get that c.d. I know that it meant a lot to you. I know how disappointed you are to hear that you won't get it now. BUT, I also know who took it. I know why they took it. And I know their heart. I know you don't see the bigger picture, but I know you know that I do. And I know that despite your disappointment, you're willing to trust my bigger picture... and actually find a little joy in the possibility. And, in that alone, I am honored."

~

And for that alone, it was worth it.

Whether they choose to receive the blessing or not.

I have.

Where Does Your Seed Lie?

"And when many people had gathered together and had come to Him out of every city, He spoke by a parable:
"A sower went out to sow his seed. And as he sowed, some fell by the wayside, and it was trodden down, and the fowls of the air devoured it.

And some fell upon a rock, and as soon as it had sprung up, it withered away because it lacked moisture.
And some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up with it and choked it.
And other fell on good ground, and sprang up and bore fruit a hundredfold."
And when He had said these things, He cried, "He that hath ears to hear, let him hear!"
And His disciples asked Him, saying, "What might this parable mean?"
And He said, "Unto you it is given to know the mysteries of the Kingdom of God; but to others in parables, that `seeing they might not see, and hearing they might not understand.'
Now the parable is this: The seed is the Word of God.
Those by the wayside are they that hear; then cometh the devil and taketh away the Word out of their hearts, lest they should believe and be saved.
The seed on the rock are they that, when they hear, receive the Word with joy, but they have no root: they for a while believe, and in time of temptation fall away.
And that which fell among thorns are they that, when they have heard, go forth and are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to perfection.
But that on the good ground are they that, in an honest and good heart, having heard the Word, keep it and bring forth fruit with patience." (Luke 8:4-15)

Have you ever noticed those little seedlings coming through the crack in a sidewalk? or breaking through a stony surface?

I don't know about you, but it just does my heart good to see these little sprouts shooting out of seemingly inhospitable surroundings; determined to forge their way through the most challenging circumstances. What an encouragement to those of us who find ourselves between a rock and a hard place, right?

Well, today I was led to the scripture in Luke where Jesus tells the parable of the farmer scattering the seed. And He tells us "The seed is the Word of God."

We have been given such a precious gift from our Father! The very 'mysteries of the Kingdom of God'! To any of us who has a willing heart, He wants to share His wisdom and truth with us!

But, we must not only have a willing spirit... we must actually plant that seed. Deep within us. And nurture that seed, to help it to flourish and grow and eventually produce a great harvest in our lives.

Don't get me wrong. This Seed is in no danger of falling away due to neglect. It has the inherent ability to cut through; to penetrate even the harshest environments. And withstand ages of neglect.

It is 'living and active.' (Hebrews 4:12)

The question is: Will this Seed get the chance to flourish and thrive in your life? Or will it merely survive, in spite of you?

"The Word is Alive" by Casting Crowns

(Push pause on playlist before viewing)

OH MY STARS... !

First, a visit from Patsy Clairmont... and now this!


I just found out that I am the first official S.L.O.B. of the month over at MercyMe's blog!!! Is that not just the coolest?!? They hadn't even said that they were going to start doing that and then, I go on to read that it's little ole me!

And not only do they tell me (and everyone else) that I'm 'awesome' but they want to send me an autographed copy of their latest cd!!

So, thanks to Bart and the Gang over there at the mm S.L.O.B.! You guys are the best.

And, to any and all of you who must've gone on over to visit their blog on my account... (and here I thought I'd only reeled in little Savannah) ... Thanks!

Woo-Hoo!

~

* It may just be my computer... I don't know... but I can't seem to open their blog other than through my google reader, so if you can't get to it either, please allow me to 'share' this little nugget of a post. : )

~

Hey everyone. I just wanted to introduce another feature here on the SLOB celebrating the fine individual that sent the most people here from their blog. As a monthly installment to our community here we feel it’s important to recognize those that are making this place what it is. In addition to telling everyone how awesome this person is we’d like to offer each SLOB OF THE MONTH an autographed copy of our newest album.
So ladies and gentlemen I’d like to introduce you to our first official July 2008 SLOB OF THE MONTH, BitterSweet Jess. Congratulations, BitterSweet Jess, we really appreciate you sending all those people this way. Email your info to us at blog@mercyme.org and we will get your signed CD in the mail.
Now the race is on to find the SLOB OF THE MONTH for August.

Tell your friends.

-bart

Our Control Tower

I love to fly.

*

I still remember the first time I took off in a jet airliner. I was completely enthralled. It was like the most exciting ride I'd ever been on. I could hardly sit in my seat. I just kept pestering my sister, "Look at that! That is so cool! I mean, you can see everything from up here!"

*

Of course, my sister was too busy clutching the armrests and praying with every fiber of her being to care. So, she completely missed the most awesome part. The part when you break through the clouds and actually look down on them, ascending into a clear blue sky.

*

I still love this part. Especially when it's a rainy miserable day down below. I love how, in no time at all, you're able to just leave all that mess below and rise above it. Such a sense of freedom. Such a change in perspective.

*

At least that's how I view it. Of course, Jodi just sees it as a rickety old man-made capsule being catapulted into space, against any and all evident laws of physics. She says "It just shouldn't work. How can something so large filled with so many people stay in the air?" "It just shouldn't work. I mean... it just can't."

*

To which I reply, "Well, obviously, it does work, so just go with it, accept that it works and enjoy the ride!"

*

"I think I'll just keep holding on and praying, if it's all the same to you."

~

This week, it seems the theme in my walk is "discernment". Seeking godly counsel. And developing my relationship with the Holy Spirit.

*

In my present bible study, Priscilla Shirer likens the indwelling of the Holy Spirit as God's control tower. She says, "The Holy Spirit is God's control tower. He sees the end from the beginning and seeks to guide us through this life."

*

At times, our lives can be rather turbulent. They can shake us to our very core. Sometimes, they can just be vague. And at other times, we can be soaring high with a wonderful view, but just have very little sense of direction... where we are or where we need to be.

*

We need that beacon. That tower. To guide us. To warn us of any impending disasters. To protect us. To talk us through. And to keep us 'grounded' in a sense. Connected to the One who knows the way we should take. The only One with the full view of our journey and clear understanding of our destination.

*

Now, if only I could trust my godly Control Tower as much as I do the earthly ones. And take my own advice and just buckle up, accept that it works, go with it and enjoy the ride of a lifetime a little more!

*

But, if it's all the same to you, I think right now, I'd rather just keep holding on and praying...

*

... Jodi understands...

*

And thankfully, so does He.

Change

~

Change. Never an embraced concept for me. Change generally occurs in my life despite my great efforts to keep it from happening.

Comfortable. Now, that's more my style. Familiar. Routine. Unchanging. Yeah, comfortable. That's much better.

~
Slowness to change usually means fear of the new. ~Philip Crosby

But, that's just not how life works is it? Life is constantly pushing and pulling you in all sorts of new directions.
~

And, if you're a Christian, our God is definitely One who encourages growth - most often through change. UGH! Not easy for an old stick-in-the-mud like me.
~
However, I can say that most every time I look back on a big change in my life - I can see it was ultimately for the best. And I'm generally better and stronger for it.

~

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. ~Nelson Mandela

~

So, why am I still so resistent to any kind of change? Why can't I just go with the flow? or even hope for something better? Why am I so determined to camp out right where I am? or even desire to go back to where I was? knowing that I'm on a path to better things?

In the Priscilla Shirer study I'm doing, she mentioned Isaiah 43:18-19~

~

"Forget about what's happened. Don't keep going over old history. Be alert. Be present. (I keep thinking: must be present to win!) I'm about to do something brand new! It's bursting out - don't you see it?!?"

~

She continues on to say: "The Lord wants to do something new in your life. What He has accomplished in your life has been extraordinary, but He doesn't want you to cling to it anymore. He has something new for you!"

~

And, I just keep going back to a post that my friend, Jen Rinko had on her blog months ago that has stuck with me. I hope she doesn't mind me using it, but it was the words to the song "Painting Pictures of Egypt" by Sara Groves. I wish I could find it on the playlist, but didn't find it, so I'll share the lyrics with you here:

~

I don't want to leave here; I don't want to stay

It feels like pinching to me either way

The places I long for the most; and the places where I've been

They are calling after me like a long lost friend

*

It's not about losing faith; it's not about trust

It's all about comfortable; when you move so much

The place I was wasn't perfect; but I had found a way to live

It wasn't milk or honey; but then neither is this

*

I've been painting pictures of Egypt; leaving out what it lacked

The future seems so hard; and I want to go back

But, the places that used to fit me; cannot hold the things I've learned

And those roads closed off to me; while my back was turned

*

The past is so tangible; I know it all by heart

Familiar things are never easy to discard

I was dying for some freedom; but now I hesitate to go

Caught between the promise; and the things I know

*

If it comes too quick I may not recognize it-

Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

If it comes too quick I may not recognize it-

Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

~

Wow! I mean, if I had the talent, those would've been the very words my heart would pen. It is everything I am feeling right now. God is obviously trying to get me to move out of my beloved 'comfort zone'. I just don't know why I must always make Him drag me, heels dug in, kicking and screaming every time??

~

This morning, on the radio: "Don't get Comfortable" by Brandon Heath. (Point taken... thanks. And sorry, they don't have that on the playlist either... maybe I'll post those lyrics next time - just for good measure.) : )

"Do you trust me?"
~

Blame it on the little ones, but the other day, in all my recent frustrations about moving on and how exactly to go about that, my mind just kept going back to the movie 'Aladdin'. The part where Aladdin shows up outside Jasmine's balcony and invites her to go for a ride with him... on the magic carpet. And he simply looks her in the eye, hand stretched out and says:

~

"Do you trust me?"

~

And she knows that she must decide. Should she take the chance of a lifetime and see all this Prince has to offer? or stay within the confines of her structured palace, settling for a 'comfortable' life full of certainty?

And all week long, I kept hearing this very question asked of me.

~

"Do you trust Me?"

~

Only it's not 'Prince Alla-b00-boo', rather it's the Prince of Peace. Ruler over all of creation. Mighty hand stretched out to me, challenging me:

~

"Jessica, do you trust Me?"

~

And you'd think by now I would know.

That it would be an almost instinctive "Yes! Of course!"

Of course, I would know that I could entrust my life and my heart to the very One who formed them.

That 'the One Who loved me enough to die for me could be absolutely trusted with the total concerns of the life that He saved'.

And that even though He doesn't promise it to be a smooth ride, He promises to hold my hand the whole way through.

You'd think I'd be ready to take that leap of faith. Right into His arms, wherever they may take me. On the ride of a lifetime. Full of hope. Promise. Peace.

But, you'd be amazed at what fear can do.

'Captured by Grace'

~

Well, didn't manage to find "Prince Charming" today after all (running theme in my life these days...) BUT Lifeway did have the other book I was on a hunt for and I was much happier finding it anyway.

~

I try to catch David Jeremiah on Sunday mornings, while I get ready for church. And, it was funny... while in Illinois, I got up that Sunday morning, in the hotel and not knowing what their tv broadcast schedule was like, I flipped on TBN just to see who or what was on while I started stirring. And I was so excited to see that I just happened to catch the beginning of Dr. Jeremiah's "Captured by Grace" series. And it was really quite a program. Not the usual Sunday sermon, but more of a special, with guest speakers and singers (Charles Billingsley...). It was really good.

~

And what it is (if you've not seen it before) is a message based on the hymn "Amazing Grace" and it's author John Newton. And ultimately, a message on God's amazing grace, that is free for all who believe, to claim.

~

Yesterday, they aired the first sermon of this series and I wish now that I had recorded it. It was just such a great lesson. So, I found the book today and really wanted to share the part that struck me the most...

~

We often use the words as if they are synonyms - one and the same. In fact, there are passages in the New Testament that make that appear to be so. A few scholars have put forward the neat and simple proposition that the Old Testament uses mercy while the New Testament speaks of grace.

The truth is more elusive, like the words themselves. Think of it this way: Mercy is God withholding the punishment we rightfully deserve. Grace is God not only withholding that punishment but offering the most precious gift instead.

Mercy withholds the knife from the heart of Isaac.

Grace provides a ram in the thicket.

~

Mercy runs to forgive the Prodigal Son.

Grace throws a party with every extravagance.

~

Mercy bandages the wounds of the man beaten by the robbers.

Grace covers the cost of his full recovery.

~

Mercy hears the cry of the thief on the cross.

Grace promises paradise that very day.

~

Mercy pays the penalty for our sin at the cross.

Grace substitutes the righteousness of Christ for our wickedness.

~

Mercy converts Paul on the road to Damascus.

Grace calls him to be an apostle.

~

Mercy saves John Newton from a life of rebellion and sin.

Grace makes him a pastor and author of a timeless hymn.

~

Mercy closes the door to hell.

Grace opens the door to heaven.

~

Mercy withholds what we have earned.

Grace provides blessings we have not earned.

~

*I also picked up the movie "Amazing Grace" about John Newton the other day and if I could only remember I have it... (A.A.A.D.D. - ask Dianne) I intend on watching that for even more appreciation and greater understanding!

Home (hōm)

A place where one lives; a residence.
The physical structure within which one lives, such as a house or apartment.
A dwelling place together with the family or social unit that occupies it.
An environment offering security and happiness.
A valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin.
The place, such as a country or town, where one was born or has lived for a long period.
The place where something is discovered, founded, developed, or promoted; a source.

press > to play

What is your definition of 'home'?

I have now, by this point, lived in Georgia for 2 years longer than I lived in Illinois. I certainly feel that I have made myself at home here and have many who are near and dear to me that I would never want to leave in a million years. So, why is it that when those endless miles of lush cornfields come into view, I still feel the tug on my heartstrings?

Do I really feel that strongly about fresh corn on the cob?

No. That can't be it. (Although, it is hard to beat fresh Illinois corn in the summertime.)

It must just simply be because it's still 'home' in my heart.

Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam, be it ever so humble; there's no place like home. John Howard Payne

You know, after we had first moved down here, we managed to make it 'back home' about 3 times a year. Then, it got to be just for Christmas. Now, we rarely make the trek.

So much of our extended family has since moved away to all different places. And we, ourselves have more or less, 'moved on'. We lost Grandma Mary 4 years ago, and this weekend, we said our final good-byes to Grandma Lou.

My home is not a place, it is people. Lois McMaster Bujold

Once again, our ties get loosened.

Where we once retreated to share in hugs, smiles and fellowship over a home-cooked meal fit for a king, we now seem to simply share in memories.

And maybe that explains my tender heart toward my heartland. It not only houses all the corn and beans you could ever imagine - it also houses my childhood. And now, so many cherished memories of loved ones.

My roots.

A home is not a mere transient shelter; its essence lies in the personalities of the people who live in it. H.L. Mencken

But, as many memories as there may be that flood over me as I descend over those sweet corn fields, I must remember that these memories all live within me and I take them wherever I might go.

They are all a part of me.

My grandmas are a part of me. And until the day when we all get to gather in our heavenly home around the most glorious feast we've ever laid eyes on, I will continue to cherish every part.

Unity and Brotherhood

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

(John 13:34-35)

The other day, I was following behind a motorcyclist going down the road. And as we came up on an oncoming motorcyclist, I began to grin in anticipation.

And sure enough. Just as they got close up to one another, each of the men stuck their arm out in that low, expected greeting. And I don't know why, but this is just one of those crazy little things that makes me smile to see! I love the sense of comradery! Brotherhood! Solidarity. Like: "I don't know who you are or where you're going, Man, but I'm with ya!"

Maybe you've never noticed, but Jeep Wrangler drivers have the same kind of 'code'. I'm sure I never would've noticed myself if my sister hadn't driven one several years back. I never thought to ask her if it was actually in the owner's manual, but just watch... they all know to wave to each other!!! It's so cool!

Makes me want to say: "I want that!! Alright, all you Toyota Camry drivers ~ heaven knows there are enough of us out here... we need a secret 'hand-shake' of our own on the road!! We can't just let the Jeep people and motocyclists have all the fun! C'mon!! I feel left out here!"

But, no need to feel left out.

I belong to another brotherhood. The Christian brotherhood.

It was so funny. The same day that I noted the unity of biker guys on the highway, I came to this page in my new devotional:

Love for Others

Jesus told His disciples that He loved them as much as His Father loved Him, and this is how they should love one another. If they will love one another, everyone will know that they are His disciples (see John 13:35). Jesus prayed fervently for their unity (see John 17:21). If we show the world the love that was in God for Christ and in Christ for us, the world would experience Christianity as being genuine. This is exactly what happened. There was no love lost among all the nations of the world. The Greeks, Romans, Jews, and the heathens all hated one another. The idea of self-sacrifice was strange to them. When the heathens saw that Christians from various nations became one through the power of the Holy Spirit, with self-sacrifice in times of need and illness, they were amazed and exclaimed, "See how these people love one another!" Among professing Christians there are feelings of unity and brotherhood, but the heavenly love of Jesus is often lacking. We do not bear one anoher's burdens - or is it rather that we do not love others? Pray that you may love your fellow believers in the same way that Christ loves you. If you remain in Christ's love, and let that love fill your heart, you will receive the power to love all God's children. The bond of love between all God's children should be as close as the bond between the Father and the Son, and between Christ and His followers. (Andrew Murray: In His Daily Presence)

And may we always, without fail, when passing another Christian on the road of life, gently say in some way: "I may not know who you are or where you are going, Man, but you just rest assured... I am with you."

After all, we've been instructed in our 'Owner's manual' - right there in chapter John.

MILE MARKERS...

God has blessed me with 3 particularly beautiful birthdays in a row now. Today being no exception!
After a stormy, gusty Sunday, today was absolutely perfect. Right at 70 degrees, a light breeze with plenty of sunshine.
I just couldn't see wasting it doing my chores inside all day.
But, where to go? I couldn't decide.
I mulled over about 3 different places I could go locally and finally decided on Turner Lake Park.
Turner Lake is actually the closest to me... only about 10 minutes from where I live. And I LOVE it out there! It just feels so secluded and natural in the midst of so much development in our immediate area.
Three years ago, during a very difficult time, I found much therapy in heading out to Turner Lake to run every day on my way home from work. Never having been much of a runner before, I was more like Forrest Gump "just runnninnng". :) In essence, trying to outrun my problems and feelings... in reality, however, just wearing myself out. (I must say I did sleep rather well those evenings though!!)
And, after about 6-8 weeks of daily running I had set a goal for myself to run so much in some said time (I don't even remember now what it was!). I really didn't know if I could reach that goal by the time summer set in, but it was a nice round figure and sure enough, I did it! On my birthday!! I was so proud of myself.
And it was the last time I ran. :)
Hey. I was doing good to even set the goal! Besides, after that, it got much too hot for me to run. And my knee was not especially fond of my running. And with a crime rate on the rise around here, I just felt like I was pushing my luck more every day. So, I just never went back out there.
That was 3 years ago.
Then today, after a little hemming and hawing... I thought "Oh, what the hay ~ I'll just go out there, and if nothing else, just hang out on a bench and read a book. Maybe take a few pictures."
Well, I no sooner got out there and I was just totally drawn back in. I had forgotten how beautiful it is out there! I started out just looping the lake and the next thing I know, I'm out hoofing it on the paths for the next hour and a half... with some 145 pictures taken on my camera!! ...the fresh air and wooded surroundings breathing new life in me ...and God speaking to my heart.

(press play to view)

Lord, today I set out on my way
To take advantage of such a beautiful day!
I felt as though it was a gift given to me
So how much sweeter to spend it with Thee!
~
You’ve blessed us all with such nature in splendor!
How could we doubt that Your heart should be tender?
For the trees reach up toward the heavens above
And the soft gentle breeze; it whispers Your love
~
It seems they all realize their purpose on earth
To glorify You and proclaim of Your worth!
So why does it seem so much harder for man
To know of his mission; to determine Your plan?
~
I think we must make it harder than it should be
When we focus on self and take our eyes off of Thee
For it is then that the path seems to take a new turn
And we meet more lessons than we’re ready to learn
~
For we don’t know of all that lies ahead
And that which may harm us when we are not led
But You, Father, know the path that we take
And all of the wise choices that we are to make
~
Unlike the path that I took today
Life doesn’t have markers to guide the way
No clear-cut signs to keep us from harm
No maps to show us a way safe and warm
~
But, we do have You, Father Who sent Your own Son
To live for us, die for us, and show how it’s done
To draw near to You and seek to know of Your thoughts
And help to guard us from the ways that we naught
~
Though You have not promised a path free from resistance
You’ve promised to be with us no matter the distance
And should we surrender and not stumble on pride
You promise all things possible with You as our Guide!
~

Father, thank You. For the beautiful day and the chance to spend it with You. Thank You for desiring to keep me on the path You have planned for me and patiently guiding me back to it when I've insisted on my own way. Thank You for being there when the path gets difficult or overwhelming. And thank You for those whose paths have crossed mine.
~Amen.

_________________________________

St. Augustine once preached a sermon in which he proposed a kind of self-test to see if we truly love God.

~

Suppose God proposed to you a deal and said:

“I will give you anything you want.

You can possess the whole world.

Nothing will be impossible for you.

Nothing will be a sin; nothing forbidden.

You will never die, never have pain,

never have anything you do not want

and always have anything you do want –

except one thing;

you will never see my face.”

~
Augustine closed with a question:

Did a chill rise in your hearts, when you read the words, “you will never see my face”?

That chill is the most precious thing in you;

for that is the pure love of God.

_________________________________

Thank you to Tracy, who was kind enough to share this quote with me after having heard her tell it at our Bloom conference last month. It had touched me and I hope it touches some of you as well!

Time is of the Essence

So, I ran into town to run just a couple of 'quick' errands today. Basically, deposit my check in the bank and pick up a few things at Wal-Mart.
*

Sounds quick enough, right?
*

Of course, I am not the quickest to get going (especially on my one day off when I don't have to get ready to be somewhere at a particular time). So, I didn't hit the road until about 3:30 or 4:00. But, just thought: "How bad can it be... really? It's just like 15 min's there and another 15 back. And about 30 min's shopping time... I should definitely be back in time for Gilmore's at 5:00."
*

Guess again.
*

I got the bank deposit knocked out fairly quickly. But, I'm still just not used to the Wal-Mart food section, so it took me forever to find everything I needed. And it's so HUGE it took me probably 30 min's just to cross from one side to the other! Then, on the way home, I have never hit so many red-lights or been behind so many slow people in all my life. I started to doubt the possibilities of my ever making it home again!!
*

And, truly, I was only gone for 2 hours.
*

But, it was 2 hours I didn't want to be squandering out in traffic and in the craziness that is Wal-Mart.
*

I was getting so aggravated on the way home, at the person going about 20 mph in a 55 and I realized... this is the same anxious feeling in my gut that I've been fighting for no apparent reason? Like the feeling you get when there's somewhere you want or need to be and something is holding you back from it. And I thought: "Bingo. That is exactly how I feel about my life at this point. Like I'm stuck sitting here, just waiting for the okay to go ahead on to where I'd rather be."
*

Then I thought back to the last entry I read from "Streams" last night:

Moving the hands of a clock to suit you does not change the time. You may be able to rush the unfolding of some aspects of God's will, but you harm His work in the long run. You can force a rosebud open, but you spoil the flower. Leave everything to Him, without exception. 'Not what I will, but what You will' (Mark 14:36)

And as David Jeremiah reminded me this morning... it is "they that wait upon the LORD (that) shall renew their strength" (Isaiah 40:31).

*

So, I suppose in the meantime, as I sit at this 'eternal red-light' in my life, tempted to just 'blow right through it', I will try to remember that the wait need not be in vain. And that, every tick of the clock that I feel is another just wasted and gone, is another moment that makes me that much stronger. And a moment spent in God's will.

*

And for that, I am grateful.

'Normal' is a Relative Term

Well, for all of those still wondering about my lab results, I received a letter in the mail Friday that states that they have found me 'normal'. Surprising, considering the way I left their office last Monday! So, they must strictly mean my bloodwork. :) In which case, I am relieved to know that I'm okay as far as blood is concerned (and that they didn't need to do another draw!!!)

However, now I'm left thinking: "Well, that means the imbalance is not in my bloodwork. So, it must mean that the imbalance runs a little deeper than blood."

And now, how to go about addressing that.

And should it all boil down to 'anxiety' - I think Beth Moore hit the nail on the head tonight. And should I actually pick up my workbook and put forth the effort that is expected of me... I think I'll definitely be on the right path to feeling MUCH better (and hopefully done with any more faint spells!)

I only wish I knew what was keeping me from delving head-first into this most amazing, applicable study that has come into my life at the most appropriate time?!? UGH!

Do any of you remember that image of Christ knocking at the door? The door has no handle on His side, signifying that it must be opened from the inside. I remember seeing that picture back in college and it really struck me, even then. And now I'm reminded of it once again.

And it just feels like right now, for whatever reason, I know He's knocking. I know He's right there - "on the other side". I know what He's asking of me. I know that if I listen and obey, I'll feel more peace than I have in some time. ...and yet... I just find myself, standing on the other side of the door... face pressed against it, wanting to feel His embrace... wanting to hear His voice... longing to see His face... but not willing to surrender and just open the door to let Him in.

Funny, I don't remember closing Him out, let alone dead-bolting it behind me. Please pray that I find the key that lets Him back in. I miss Him terribly.
_____________________
John 20:19 ..."the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid... Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them! 'Peace be with you,' He said." (NLT)

~Be Mine!~

Breaking it down on Valentine's Day...
~After having spent more Valentine's Days alone than I ever would've anticipated as a young girl, I've decided to research the exact meaning of the word "Single". Here's what I found on Dictionary.com...

sin·gle /ˈsɪŋgəl/

1.
only one in number; one only; unique. (Unique? Now, that makes me sound a bit better already!)

2.
solitary or sole; lone. (Okay... yeah... that definition... not so uplifting...)

3.
pertaining to the unmarried state. (Point-blank. I can appreciate that.)

4.
of one against one, as combat or fight. (Yes... ME -vs- TIME.) ;)

5.
sincere and undivided: single devotion. (Now that one I like!! Charles Stanley spoke once to this point, telling all us singles to take advantage of this time and take it as a compliment that God wants your undivided attention and time to spend with Him!)

6.
separate, particular, or distinct; individual. (Particular? I s'pose I can be at times... others may just call it OCD though?) :)

7.
uniform; applicable to all. (I do try to apply myself most of the time and do get on well with most everyone... that's not a bad thing, right?)

8.
to pick or choose (one) from others (usually fol. by out). (So, this would make me the 'chosen one' right?)

9.
one person or thing; a single one. (Think we've covered that.)

10.
an unmarried person, esp. one who is relatively young. (Now I am lovin' the little added bit at the end of this one!!)


Now, putting my selective memory to good use here, I could safely deduce that:
I am a unique (relatively young) particular individual who has been chosen by God Himself! to serve in devotion apart from anyone else!
Wow! I feel better already!
In which case, I can consider my Heavenly Father my amazing Valentine... and it doesn't get much better than that. After all, I can buy myself chocolates all year long (and generally do), but Who else knows my heart even better than myself and still loves me unconditionally and brings forth endless flowers, of all varities, free of charge, just because He can!! :)

Father~
You are all I need. My Comforter. My Provider. You are my love. And You will have my heart until the end of time!

John 15:9: "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.

Now remain in my love."

Ten 'Nuggets' I've picked up along the way...

1. Patience is trusting in God's timing.
(Church sign on the way to work)

2. Faith adds its "Amen" to God's "Yes" and then takes its hands off, leaving God to finish His good work in you.
(Streams in the Desert)

3. Unbelief looks at God through the circumstances... but faith puts God between itself and its circumstances, and looks at them through Him.
(Streams in the Desert)

4. Faith is believing what we do not see; and the reward for this kind of faith is to see what we believe!
(St. Augustine)

5. The One Who loved me enough to die for me can be absolutely trusted with the total concerns of the life that He saved.
(Wow! I love that one... from, you guessed it: Streams in the Desert)

6. Our hope in Christ enables us to come to God with open hands into which He can place what He wants and out of which He can take what should not be there.
(Sheila Walsh from "Life is Tough, but God is Faithful")

7. In checking a tire for holes or weak points, you must add pressure to it ~ our faith is much the same.
(Pastor Rob)

8. Sometimes, you have to Fake it 'till you can Make it!
(I cannot tell you how many times that one has helped me - when the heart is just not in it!)

9. Submission to God's will is the softest pillow on which to rest.
(Streams in the Desert)

10. You pay God a compliment by asking great things of Him.
(Perpetual calendar at work)

11. I have come to understand that the spot in my heart that never loses its tenderness keeps me knowing that it was real.
(Beth Moore: "Feathers from my Nest")

12. How can you be so quick to open your heart to someone who broke it into pieces and yet be SO resistent to open it to the One who wants to heal it?
("Men in Trees", of all places! Just proving God can use any outlet He chooses.)

13. Know that if God's not changing your circumstances, He is more interested in changing you!
(Nick Vujicic -from "Life without Limbs")

14. Faith honors God and God honors faith.
(Streams in the Desert)

15. We must take our troubles to the Lord; but we must do more than that ~ we must leave them there.
(Hannah Whitall -Smith)

_____________________________________________

Okay... so I ended up with 15, but I just couldn't stick with the 'ten' once I really got going! Too many tasty tid-bits to share.

Obviously, many of these have come from Streams in the Desert (a devotional introduced to me several years ago that I have truly come to treasure) - but they are all just little 'nuggets' I've picked up along the way. And now they all live together in my 'Ebenezer Journal' that I've compiled over the last 2 years now. Them and all my other 'little' reminders that God is there and truly cares! And, I tell you what, I never dreamed it would fill up so fast!!