11 March 2008

'Normal' is a Relative Term

Well, for all of those still wondering about my lab results, I received a letter in the mail Friday that states that they have found me 'normal'. Surprising, considering the way I left their office last Monday! So, they must strictly mean my bloodwork. :) In which case, I am relieved to know that I'm okay as far as blood is concerned (and that they didn't need to do another draw!!!)

However, now I'm left thinking: "Well, that means the imbalance is not in my bloodwork. So, it must mean that the imbalance runs a little deeper than blood."

And now, how to go about addressing that.

And should it all boil down to 'anxiety' - I think Beth Moore hit the nail on the head tonight. And should I actually pick up my workbook and put forth the effort that is expected of me... I think I'll definitely be on the right path to feeling MUCH better (and hopefully done with any more faint spells!)

I only wish I knew what was keeping me from delving head-first into this most amazing, applicable study that has come into my life at the most appropriate time?!? UGH!

Do any of you remember that image of Christ knocking at the door? The door has no handle on His side, signifying that it must be opened from the inside. I remember seeing that picture back in college and it really struck me, even then. And now I'm reminded of it once again.

And it just feels like right now, for whatever reason, I know He's knocking. I know He's right there - "on the other side". I know what He's asking of me. I know that if I listen and obey, I'll feel more peace than I have in some time. ...and yet... I just find myself, standing on the other side of the door... face pressed against it, wanting to feel His embrace... wanting to hear His voice... longing to see His face... but not willing to surrender and just open the door to let Him in.

Funny, I don't remember closing Him out, let alone dead-bolting it behind me. Please pray that I find the key that lets Him back in. I miss Him terribly.

John 20:19 ..."the
disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid... Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them! 'Peace be with you,' He said." (NLT)


Joanne said...

Your words in this post Jess and your music has me just about in tears. I am praying for you, that you will get up and answer the door. He loves you so very much. This valley is going to draw you even closer to Him than ever before. Hang in there...your blessing is on its way.

I promise, better yet...He promises.

Love, Joanne

Michele said...

I am in tears, Jess! So beautiful-the music and the post. I'm playing the music while I work! We don't ever realize that we close the door. It happens so gradually but isn't it awesome that God keeps knocking. It proves that He loves you and will be there for you when you open that door. Really, you have opened it if you think about it. You're seeking Him!

Lyndy said...

First of all, I am so glad your blood work came back normal. Secondly, I will certainly be praying for you. These valley times are hard but I always learn something good when I come through mine and I am trusting you will too my friend.

Terri said...

Jess, I found you through my friend, Shana's blog. Such wisdom in your post. Sometimes when we feel the fartherest away, God holds us the closest-right in the palm of His hand. Wow, I love the transparancy in your words. Great music, too. I really enjoyed reading your post.
Know that I am praying for you.