04 May 2008

Convicted and just worn 'flat-out'
out here in the 'desert'
Sweet Chanda, over at 'Thursday's Child' threw out the invitation the other day to her fellow bloggers to share what God's been doing in our lives. What's He been saying? teaching? repeating?... And I just sat and thought: "You know, I have gotten so far away from Him, I don't have a clue what He's wanting to tell me right now."
But, I do feel like He's trying to bring me back to Him. And, of course, I insist on it being done the hard way. With having to say good-bye to my Grandmother (for what will most likely be the last time) just last night. Certain tensions at work that I just have a hard time 'shaking'. Losing a much loved senior pastor at church. Countless compounding financial concerns. And now an impending colonoscopy to see what all I've done to my gut in worrying about everything else... What else can I do at this point but pray!
I had already felt that I had drifted away from Him. But, now it just feels like I am caught up in this unbelievable snowball effect that I don't know which way's up and where to go from here. AGHH!
But, after much prayer and many tears last night (and even more choked back in church this morning) I felt Him speaking to me once again.
When Gary had shared with us that God had been revealing to him many of the fears that had a grip on him - I was reminded that I'm not alone in my struggles.
And when Gary ended by saying "He loves us. He really does. He even gave up His one and only Son to die for us. We can trust Him and know that He loves us." - I was reminded that He's on my side. Not against me.
Then, when Scott preached, he said "Go with what you know. Don't speculate with all the 'what if's and 'why's... Those almost always head you 'south' in your spirit." - I was reminded to focus on what's most important and indisputable, which is: God is God. And I am not. He never changes. He made me and loves me very much and has a purpose and a plan for my life.
And as Scott ended very passionately about what Jesus is to us and wants to be in our lives - I was reminded that to forge ahead in faith (though it will be difficult at times) would be worth every step of the way.
"Hope is to hear the music of tomorrow.
Faith is the courage to dance to it today." (unknown)


Chanda Canup said...

Love it love it love it! Thanks for sharing! Praying for your encouragement and refreshment.

Jay & Michelle said...

Jess, hang in there and know that you are NOT alone. I'll be praying for you! Sending much love your way.

One Beloved Sister said...

Hey Jessica. I'm so sorry about your Grandmother, and about everything else going on. I am praying for you, my friend.

Charlotte said...

Just before I visited your blog I visited Ruthie at http://justruthie.blogspot.com/ and read the inspiring story she wrote about her Dad when he was a missionary in China. It was such a great reminder of how God works in our lives. I'm glad you've found your way back to Him. In today's world it is so easy to get sidetracked.
Hugs and Blessings to you.

Mom said...

"If the Lord be with us, we have no cause to fear. His eye is upon us, His arm over us, His ear open to our prayer -- His grace sufficient, His promise unchangeable." Andrew Murray

Joanne said...


Hang in there girl. You are going to come through this, you really are. I know you have had some rough patches here and there, I think it really is the whole body of Christ right now. We have had our months of darkness and recently my girlfriend shared the same thing about her life.

Not to get real personal here on your comments, but...I have had a colonoscopy in my lifetime and it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Email me if you get a chance, I don't need to know all the itty bitty details, but I think I may have a reccommendation for you to take if you are interested.

Blessings my sweet southern girlfriend...

Love, Joanne